no regrets

I’ve never believed in regrets. My thinking has always been, whatever it was that I did, I wanted to do it at the time. For better or worse, I made a decision that I thought was the right one, and I can’t impact that choice today.

And yet … There are a few things that I probably could have handled differently. Situations that could have been executed with a little more grace. Loved ones and liked ones that I could have treated more kindly. It makes me feel worn down just thinking about it. Maybe there are some things that we cannot leave behind, no matter how hard we try.

I believe that everyone has done something that’s not in their character just because they wanted the experience.

But have you ever done so many somethings that you start to question what your character has become?

I had an eye-opening discussion about regrets with a couple of my heart friends recently. Because yes, anywhere we go, and especially anytime we are at the Pub, I will open up a discussion to get ideas for the blog. It’s irresistible, really. Because who else will give me so much brutal honesty and give my many questions such thoughtful consideration?

Between the three of us, two of us felt the same about regrets. And the third said she had regrets, but that they were just a part of who she was at that time in her life. Que sera, sera. A point which we then argued about for the better part of an hour: You have regrets but they were just a part of who you were at the time? Isn’t that the same as having no regrets at all?

Maybe we were just splitting hairs… and sloshing beers. Either way, I think that dealing with regrets has to do with forgiveness and self acceptance. Learning from your mistakes, and trying to be a better person. Not looking in the rear view mirror so often that you forget to look at what’s in front of you. It’s my own brand of twelve-stepping.

And so far, it seems to be working.

unfortunate

I save fortunes from fortune cookies. Yes. Another Lisa quirk. It’s right up there with painting my toenails to match my mood (today they are ruby red but I am debating changing to gun-metal gray).

I found this fortune recently while making a half-assed attempt to dust the living room: “Character is who you are when no one is watching.”

I remember why I saved it: I got it the day after I had an argument with my mom.

It’s stupid, I know. They’re random. Or so we’re told.

It’s funny how the little things stick with us. Something that doesn’t mean anything to anyone but you, grabs your heart strings and gives them a little tug when you least expect it.

I don’t know why I didn’t get a funny fortune that day. I wanted one that I could repeat out loud and add “in bed!” to the ending. That one I just folded quietly and stuck in my handbag.

So maybe it was random. I’d like to think that I do have character, even when I am by myself. I’d like to think that my mom accepted my apology and has forgotten all about the fight. I’d like to try to forgive myself for the argument one day. She said she forgave me. She even said I made her think. But still, it makes me question my character. It makes me question my fortune.

I have about 100 Bazooka Joe comics too… Their fortunes are less reliable but some day I am going to send them all in and order t-shirts for all of my best friends.